A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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