Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
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i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
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In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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