He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
