that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
