Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
