Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize