woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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