On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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