shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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