My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
