is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
