Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
