Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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