he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
