my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
