Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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