I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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