she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I understand Curling. That high.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
