just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
