and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
