I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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