Ambien. No doubt about it.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
