Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
