Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
