Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
