I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
