Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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