so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
