I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize