Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
