Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
