Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
