shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
