shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
