She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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