I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize