epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
