Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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