I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
