I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
