I think i peed on brittanys purse
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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