If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
