omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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