I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
