I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
this beer tastes like vomit already
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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