first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
