ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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