going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I believe in your delicious
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
