why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
