tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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