Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
