I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
