he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
