i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
