i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
