turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
