After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
