THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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