Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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