I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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