You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
