I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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