Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
