New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
