I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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