Whoa Z and x make the same sound
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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